Bismillah Ar Rahman Ar Raheem
Al hamdulillah was salat was salam ala rasulillah
These are few words of advice a mother gave to her daugther when she was being sent off to her husband on the night of her marriage.
Umamah bint Al-Haarith Ash-Shaybany said to her daughter Umm Iyyās:
“O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you possess these qualities. However, it is a reminder for the heedless (or forgetful) and a useful tool for the intelligent (wise).
O my daughter, if a woman was able to do without a husband by virtue of her parent’s wealth and their great need for her, then you, of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for women.
O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion with whom you are unfamiliar. He has become, by his authority (and right) over you, an overseer and a king. So be a [female] slave to him and he will be a willing [male] slave to you.
My dear daughter, take from me ten qualities and they will be for you an asset and a reminder:
The first and second of them are: Be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one’s husband pleases Allah.
The third and fourth of them are: Make sure that you smell good and look good, safeguard where his eyes land and safeguard what his nose smells, so that his eyes never see anything ugly from you and his nose never smells any repugnant odor (i.e., he should never witness anything but a pleasant smell from you). Kohl is the best make-up (beautification) and water (i.e., good hygiene) is better than the rarest perfume.
The fifth and the sixth of them are: Safeguard his meal times and keep tranquil his sleep times; for the heat of hunger is infuriating and deprivation of sleep is irritating.
The seventh and eighth of them are: Safeguard his home and his money and take good care of him, his relatives, and take care of his children. Safeguarding his wealth is a sign of good judgement and taking care of his children and servants (or employees) and relatives is a sign of good management.
The ninth and tenth of them are: Never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders. For if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you and he will resent you.
Beware of displaying joy when he is upset and do not show sorrow or sadness when he is happy. The former is irresponsibility which shows lack of judgement and the latter is antagonistic which will make him unhappy.
The more you honor him, the more veneration he will have for you; the more you are in (mutual) agreement with him (in all that is permissible and good), the more he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.”
Bulūgh al-Arb by al-Alūsī 2/19
Unfortunately, for some muslims, Umamah and her daughter Umm Iyyās would be mocked as weak self-hating women, brainwashed by the patriarchy, and suffering from “false consciousness.” Become “a slave” to my husband? Never!
They will say i would rather be a strong, independent, empowered woman who can do it all on her own! But what these feminists are missing is the second half on the equation: “…And he will willingly become a slave to you.” Be good to him. He’ll be good to you.
My dear sister, it is therefore upon you to ponder over these words, benefit from them and make sure you applu them in your future life with your spouse. And beware of the tricks and plots of the devils from the humans and the jinns.
Allah says in His book,
الْخَبِيثَاتُ لِلْخَبِيثِينَ وَالْخَبِيثُونَ لِلْخَبِيثَاتِ ۖ وَالطَّيِّبَاتُ لِلطَّيِّبِينَ وَالطَّيِّبُونَ لِلطَّيِّبَاتِ…
“Vile women are for vile men, and vile men are for vile women; and good women are for good men, and good men are for good women…” Surat An-Nur v.26
و صلى الله على نبينا محمد و سلم
Al Ibaanah TT 